I cannot stop laughing. I am very tired and giddy. There is a blizzard outside and I'm avoiding putting the garbage out. Let me tell ya - I am a wicked procrastinator and it allowed me to stumble upon the news article below.
I would propose this woman get a lesser sentence in light of the fact that she has a magical vagina. Which, at this exact moment allowed me to invent the word "vagical".
Read the article below - then I shall discuss afterwards:
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March 20, 2011
Woman hides heroin, cash in vagina
A Pennsylvania woman who crashed her car after burglarizing a local inn had a sizable stash of drugs and cash hidden in her vagina.
According to a report in the Scranton Times-Tribune, police were called to the scene of a car crash on March 13 where Karin Mackaliunas was arrested for suspicion of theft.
During a search, police found three bags of heroin in her jacket. While police escorted the woman to the station, officers noticed her fidgeting in the back seat.
She then told police that she had hidden more drugs in her vagina.
A doctor who performed a search removed: 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, eight prescription pills and $51.22 in cash and change.
Mackaliunas was charged with possession with intent to deliver a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia and two counts of possession of a controlled substance.
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I have many thoughts about this:
1) How did she get all that in there? You think she had help?
2) Do you think she was walking funny?
3) With all that stuff jammed in there, she decides THAT would be a good time to burglarize a local inn? What on earth goes on in Pennsylvannia?
4) I really like the use of the word "sizable" in the article. It was a 'sizable' amount of drugs.
5) Since this was posted in the Scranton times, I sincerely hope this gets referenced on 'The Office'. By Meredith, obviously.
6) Was the $0.22 necessary? She couldn't just take the cash and leave two dimes and two pennies behind?
7) Do you think you get a discount on heroin if it came from the lady garden? I should hope so. Or maybe it's actually the opposite and there's a mark up in price.
Okay, I'm talking pure nonsense now. I need to go to bed. Oh - one more thing - like a creepy person, I just looked up this woman on Facebook. Found her profile. You can see her profile picture. By just looking at her face, you'd never guess she was vagical.